littletalks.

It’s been a while. Hi.

Grief is tough. So tough. But man… Jesus. Jesus is so good.

I’ve taken a step back from this blog for two main reasons. One: I’ve been running. Running from my problems. Running from grief. Running from Jesus. And two: I’ve had some major life changes. New job, new church, new friends.

Let’s touch on the first one. Running. For a while, I wanted to just be stagnant. Vaporize. Cease existing. And not in a suicidal way, in the sense that I did not want to deal with ANY of it anymore. Grief, watching people around me getting married or having kids, working a job that required a lot of emotional demands. I just needed a break. From all of it. I wanted to be stagnant. Quiet. Still. I wanted the noise to cease and to just breathe. And for me, that has NEVER happened. I should’ve known all along that if I just stopped running, I would gain some peace. Jesus was waiting, I just kept running until I HAD to stop.

Now on to the major life changes. After Andrew passed away, I decided to leave my job that I loved for a job with more opportunity. The job I held prior graced me with the sweetest kids and friends. Leaving was one of the most difficult things. I started at a new church, one that I had only set foot in a handful of times and certainly didn’t know anyone at. And through that church, I met new friends. Amazing, precious friends I might add(thank you, Jesus!)

During this time, I’ve seen glimpses of Jesus and signs from Heaven everyday. While I’ve hurt tremendously, the peace that had surpasses all understanding has covered me. I’ve met people that knew Andrew randomly, I’ve told him & I’s story a million times, I’ve laughed with people and cried with the same people.

So that’s where I’ve been. Picking up the pieces, slowly but surely. Grief is absolutely still present in my life, and I think it will always be present. But flowers bloom from rain and in the cracks of the concrete. And that gives me hope. The best part of this all is that I have learned that my story is powerful. It gives people hope. It shows what can happen if you trust and believe. Its one of resilence and faith and most importantly, love.

Thank you for listening. I’ll be back this time

All my love,

Bay